I think the problem with me is that mostly i dont know what i want (most) at a given time.
Compounding that problem is the fact that i want all the things in life with the same longing, at all times.
I hate to compromise, or as some will say, i do not prioritise.
I set myself impossible goals, it is almost as if i am challenging myself to fail.
This weekend for example: i had, apart from my own work, the handover from my manager as well as my colleague; this meant phone calls, urgencies etc.
Together with that i called for a get together at our place on Saturday and decided to make at least 5-6 dishes.
Why?
Because me! I wanted to invite people over, and if not this weekend then when?
Oh you ask why is it such a big deal to invite people over? Its not, not at least to a sane person, but since the idea was stuck in my head, there was no "unstucking" it.
It just had to be done and i committed myself to it, by announcing it to everyone. (this is another crazy thing i do...)
On top of that, on Sunday, i was going to have (my first) HQ level meeting in which i had to present (which i suck at). And the icing on the cake i invited one of my friends to stay back and have Sunday breakfast with us.
I had a great time on Saturday, had a nice breakfast on Sunday and the meeting went ok too. No fiascos on the weekend meant i handed over the extra responsibility without embarrassing explanations.
But i was stressed out at all times, thinking about the next thing while figuring out the task at hand.
Yesterday, i had one of those rare heart to heart chats with my brother, while i was still nursing my hurt over the "gift" thing. And he asked me, "Why do you care? why do you want to add one more thing to the list of things you want to stress about? Why dont you just go into auto pilot and do what they want you to do and get rid of thinking for at least one thing in life."
He sounded right, i juggle too many things at a time sometimes. I need to let a few things be. I need to pick my battles, i need to learn how to compromise.
Or do i? I hate the word compromise.
On the other hand, I think i like stress. I think stress makes me feel good.
The only sane thing i did, was to marry the right guy.
Compounding that problem is the fact that i want all the things in life with the same longing, at all times.
I hate to compromise, or as some will say, i do not prioritise.
I set myself impossible goals, it is almost as if i am challenging myself to fail.
This weekend for example: i had, apart from my own work, the handover from my manager as well as my colleague; this meant phone calls, urgencies etc.
Together with that i called for a get together at our place on Saturday and decided to make at least 5-6 dishes.
Why?
Because me! I wanted to invite people over, and if not this weekend then when?
Oh you ask why is it such a big deal to invite people over? Its not, not at least to a sane person, but since the idea was stuck in my head, there was no "unstucking" it.
It just had to be done and i committed myself to it, by announcing it to everyone. (this is another crazy thing i do...)
On top of that, on Sunday, i was going to have (my first) HQ level meeting in which i had to present (which i suck at). And the icing on the cake i invited one of my friends to stay back and have Sunday breakfast with us.
I had a great time on Saturday, had a nice breakfast on Sunday and the meeting went ok too. No fiascos on the weekend meant i handed over the extra responsibility without embarrassing explanations.
But i was stressed out at all times, thinking about the next thing while figuring out the task at hand.
Yesterday, i had one of those rare heart to heart chats with my brother, while i was still nursing my hurt over the "gift" thing. And he asked me, "Why do you care? why do you want to add one more thing to the list of things you want to stress about? Why dont you just go into auto pilot and do what they want you to do and get rid of thinking for at least one thing in life."
He sounded right, i juggle too many things at a time sometimes. I need to let a few things be. I need to pick my battles, i need to learn how to compromise.
Or do i? I hate the word compromise.
On the other hand, I think i like stress. I think stress makes me feel good.
The only sane thing i did, was to marry the right guy.
Would you attribute that last sentence to sanity or to luck? ;)
ReplyDeleteLuck??!! Dint i tell you my story of how i pursued him and then tricked him into marrying me? ;))
DeleteYou did, but what I mean is, infatuation makes us fall for a person, and sometimes, to commit to them. You are lucky either if the person you committed to turns out to actually be a good person, or if you find out in time that he isn't (by "in time" I mean before you marry him).
Deletehmm.. By way of clarification in your last sentence, you mean to say, that if u marry them in a hurry, then u should not accept that they are not good for you?
DeleteYou can accept it, but in such a situation you're unlucky.
DeleteBetter unlucky than unhappy. Better unhappy than blind
DeleteOn that note i read a very sad story by "Mary Ascott"(christie). "Absent in the spring".. Thats what i mean by blind
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