I want to break free

Increasingly i have been having ideas to get away. To run away from all this crazy work and live differently. I wont stay home but do something else. Something that doesn't have to be high paying. I want to find myself again. I want to live happily again. Right now i am living in wait of the next bright spot in future... Vacation, Parents' visit, Weekend trip etc. its not sustainable.

I want to get out. 

Writing again

Its been so long i wrote anything. 

The last post was a vent of frustration on my situation at work which btw i fought out of. Just that i dont like fighting so much... Funny?

Its not.

Anyhoo, there is so much going on right now that in my head there is a battle going on about which story should i write about. 

So last Monday Ambuj went to Baroda for a day trip. His flight was at 5:30am so he left at around 4.. At 6:15 i woke paralysed.. Literally.

Wikipedia tells me only my midbrain was awake, and rest was dreaming and that is why i felt paralysed. Its called Sleep paralysis.

I cant describe the experience in anyway other than terrifying. It was clear to me that there was a presence behind me on the other side of the bed. I was aware that Ambuj has left. Then i felt as that the wind start blowing so fast that i was being sucked in. Finally, i heard a voice calling my name.. Thats when panic woke my whole brain and i was able to get up and rush out of my room.

I went to the balcony and sat there looking at morning walkers.

I cant even begin to thjnk if i had woken up mid night, in dark alone. 😞

Me n U; Just us Two

The best thing about my marriage is that however obtuse reference or metaphor we use; the other person understands instantly.

U know this has helped us have a language of our own :)

Where do we go now?

So what is the matter with me?

What am i doing here? where do i want to go?
Do i have the guts to go all in? Am i reading my cards right?

The feel good factor

There  are a few things in life that everyone experiences. Those things everyone loves:

The feeling when vacation starts, and you have all the possibilities ahead of you. The sudden sweetness of the early morning breeze, the slow passage of morning hours which usually rush past in the whirlwind of getting ready and getting to the office.

The feeling of being appreciated, makes you feel you have finally arrived. Acceptance, adulation, affection and everything directed at us becomes a compliment.

The feeling of silent solidarity, when someone willingly stands with you  against a storm. The sense of purpose it imparts when u really put your head down and fight for something you think is right. The exhilaration when you weather the storm unbroken.

Remember these feelings... like vacation, success and trials it will come to you periodically.