Venturing out

Have you been surprised lately?

I mean like really surprised, not "jack in the box" surprised.. 

As in you dint really think about something and it happened.. or somebody said something u never thought they could say.. or u enjoyed doing something you thought you will never do.

It is good to keep surprising yourself now and then. Even if you do it just for the heck of it.  It makes you tread into the unknown. 

Outside the perimeter of your comfort zone, none of your age old wisdoms work, none of your derived theories hold. 

It is here that you learn and form experiences to take back to your comfort zone. 

It is here that you realise how things are not binary, that there is no other color but grey and there is nothing absolute.

You will constantly surprise yourself, you will find new strengths within you, you will start understanding yourself; and when you think that you have finally gotten to the core of who you are and what you can do.... Step out further, because your comfort zone has stretched.

I advise you to stop doing this at the age of 45, when everyone should retire and live happily ever after :D

Poker marathon

The Mahabaleshwar trip was in many ways a poker marathon.

It wasn't planned, it was just that we lost so bad on the first day that we felt we had to redeem ourselves and kept playing like crazy for the rest of the vacation.
Jaya and Ankit are still feeling it, i'm sure.

It was not as bad as it sounds, we ate at regular intervals and went shopping where i bargained with whoever talked to me.

So back to Poker, we losers realised what keeps a single player winning. It is the fact that they do not have to think much about spending small amounts. That enables them to take risks and risks yield returns. So when the panic of losing money sets in, that is also the time when u start losing more.

Oh the panic manifests itself into funny ways. 

I became a freelancing dealer for a few turns when i lost all my money and then started back after borrowing some from Ambuj.
Jaya developed the habit of professing that she has lost faith in her cards after "river" and checking whether she can take her stake back ;P She was the one who kept the Agarwal clan from sinking, she steadily kept building her Kuber ka Dhan.
Ankit's face went from jolly to scowling as the game progressed. He lost money like equity mutual funds have, up and down, up and down, down and down and down. He finally turned to stealing from Jaya when she was looking away. Eventually the poor guy broke, he started his army of chips, who were going to war to take more prisoners or die in attempt (get the analogy?)
Other players went into panic mode where they bit the head off their partners, went beserk and started pacing the hall etc etc..

It was a very high stakes game, some fraying of nerves is expected.

We (losers) also coined the term "Zamindars" for the winners so that they do not feel good about winning. And we termed ourselves "Bandhua Mazdoors" for ourselves so we feel good about losing.
We also had Ankit do commentary everytime it was only the girls left till the last round. He named us as three cats: Ramesh, Suresh and Rakesh.. He definitely didnt know how to name cats..

After the entire poker blitz, the Johris came out +1200, Tiwaris came out at no loss and the Agarwals are still looking for more poker games to even out the score :P

Yay!

Beauty and the Beholder

While on our way back to Mumbai from Mahabaleshwar, Jaya n Ankit found an awesome point to stop. We went to the edge of a plateau and below us lay the verdant valley surrounded by the Ghats.

It made me feel small, it was so huge, humbling and beautiful.
And try as i may to capture it and take it away forever with me, the beauty eluded my lens.

I always get frustrated at my inability to make the picture look the way i am seeing it; it just doesn't look that great!
The picture cannot speak to the (passive) viewer the way that scene talks to me, it never humbles them the way looking "sakshat" at it does.

But maybe what i want to remember is how it made me feel.. what memories flooded back to me when i sat there, how happy i was, or how peaceful...

Ocean, my lens can never capture,
If only, you could see what i see,
if only, you could feel the rapture,
the humbling vastness, the bewitching beauty

Weekend trip

My life has become very busy.

I dont remember being busier..

I know i have said this before in one post that m stressed out from self inflicted stress... This is different (i am making an excuse for not posting ontime)

This long weekend we (3 couples) are in mahabaleshwar for a weekend road trip. 

For a big chunk of drive the girls were in one car and guys in one. So much fun!

I was driving, and after a long time i was able to drive without biting anybody's head off.

I feel reborned. I feel free from shackles of insecurity over my dubious abilities as a driver. I feel victorious over my fears.

I will concede that i did regale the two other car occupants with some outbursts. 

I did have those moments of screeching brakes, expletives pouring out, fist in the air.. But the average of (outburst/ distance driven) was much less on the highway.

At a point i wanted to take a break and offered the other veteran in our car. Our car who was telling us inspiring stories about her driving achievments. But she polietly turned it down telling me she gets stressed out when she drives. :-/

We reached the hotel we had booked at night, tried very hard to get upgrades to the room with the corner view and failed. When we got up in the morning we had a hearty laugh for the "fortunate" ones who paid double for the corner view because we are all overlooking an overgrown unmaintained lawn and a hillock. Heehaaha.. Victory!! 

(M a sore loser)

Poker was also a highlight yesterday, we played till 3:30 am. The Tiwari dampatti won everything and made the Johris and Agarwals "bandhua mazdoors". But we turned the tide eventually and recovered a lot. The only ones down now are the Agarwals..

Thaka hua Thursday

I am feeling bad about something, but i cant put my finger on it.

Its probably something to do with people pushing work towards others everytime there is a change in organisation. Or maybe that the "people" in this case are people i do not expect to do this.

It might be that i feel i am not doing all that i should currently. But I also do not want to work 24x7. I am doing all i can.

I could be that i flunked a guy in his presentation today, and i was the only person who flunked him. I was asked "my feedback" which sounded a lot like demanding a reason why i think his project was not upto scratch.

It might just be piling up of all this on me.
I hate saying that this is not my work or that is your work, but if i do not say this now, i will not be able to do it all.

I have this sinking feeling that its going to go on forever. Maybe i should just sleep and forget about today. Maybe i should discuss this with my absent manager's delegate.

Maybe all i need is perspective... i am worried about small things, there are people dealing with cancer.

My 12th class Maths teacher used to shock us every alternate lesson with a question, we couldnt solve. Then after we had given up, he used to show us the solution, which would appear easy, but difficult.. i used to call it magic.
He would look at us, reeling from the awe at his solution, cogs audibly whirring in our brains and he used to smile his feline smile and say, in what he thought was a consolatory tone:

" भगवान आपको उतना ही दुःख देता है, जितना आप सह सकते हो.."

True, so true..

Remembering Kuwait..

I am a Desert, unheeding the rigors of sun

I am wild, free and brazen,
no decency of vegetation..
passing wind lifts my sandy skirt..
I don't mind much..
I sleep, by the sea..
drunk and carefree..

To friends, with love

Have always wondered how people become friends; good friends.

I think there is some contribution of the situation you are in, some contribution of the person you are, some contribution of what you think a friend is, what your boundaries are..

There are friends who have been with you in good times and bad.

We were girls starting 11th Class. We had recently changed our schools, we were all considered "good students", all aspiring to become future IITians, all weird in our own ways. Nisha was the pacifist, Shruti was the academician and I was the one who needed crash course in anger management. Boxed together in a small room of Kailash, we became close friends. Even when we are not talking everyday, we catch up.. even when we do not see each other for a long time, we do not forget.

There are friends who are in similar situation and decide to stick together.

Expats we were; removed from our homelands; plucked from our real friends.. dumped in a desert where even camels dint befriend us... We made friends very quickly and very eagerly. But we dint share our woes, we shared our happiness, we revelled in each others company for the sake of having company.

There are friends who just click; in a few meetings they become trustworthy..

Breakfasts on weekends. Laughing only at jokes which are funny, plans of a vacation together. Bitching about the things that should be but aren't. Swapping stories happy and sad. Staying in touch once separated..

What kind of place would world be if it wasn't for friends..

Stereotypes

We recently learnt two new terms; "Halal money" and "Haram money"
One means hard earned money and the other means easy money.

You see that guy speeding a BMW on the road, yes P90 (probability 90%) case it is Haram Money. See those youngsters in Gucci, Armani... right again P90 case; Haram money.

I have learnt a new way of stereotyping our black and white world (Alert: sarcasm!)

Have you ever felt jealous of the rich girls while you work hard to get the same comforts?
I have, I do and I think there will be still more days in my life when i will..

There are days when i am struggling and i think, "who doesn't want a simpler life".

And then there are days when i am kicking as* at work and i feel happy that i chose this (i am trying to remember the last time i thought this; my face is contorted in the effort)....
So anyways, what i am trying to say is that while time and again i wish i had the luxury of easy money, i am thankful that i went the "halal" way (hah! as if i had a choice)

Also what i am saying is that it always seems that grass is greener on the other side.
Who knows what sort of difficulties rich people have.  The world is definitely not divided in rich people and hard working people, so i should give my stereotyping a rest.
As long as we are all what we want to be, we should consciously repress the jealousy

Sri sri Ambuj ji maharaj says, halal today, haram tomorrow.. who knows

All's well that ends well..

We are currently on our way back from Amritsar.
It was a good trip, in some sense it was a great trip.

There was not much drama, at least not the kind we usually expect..
There was however more communication between people, some resolving of misunderstandings, some thawing of hearts.. Which made it a great family get together.

I hope we can have the entire family on wedding. Been so long since we were all together.

Siappa!

Noun
Meaning: Chaos
Origin: Punjabi
Usage: O siappa!! (Oh fuck!)

Saturday went by in a blurr, all of us were in 'low sleep high adrenaline' state. This blog should have been written on saturday night, but i was dealing with a lot of happy chaos..

We reached Amritsar in the morning at 9 AM on Saturday and were recieved in a grand way by the "kudiwalas" (kudi=ladki)
Soon we were breaking our fast and then a lot of people were planning to go to the Golden Temple. I thought i should also take a dip in the rich culture of the town and decided to go there and dragged Ambuj along.
I chose to wear a cotton suit with super heavy danglings. I was looking rather okay for a change and was very pleased with myself. When we came down to leave for the temple at 12 noon, i was briefed that i have been charged with the responsibility of maintaing peace and harmony between two different groups of extended family. Siappa!
We reached GT to find a huge line of people waiting and i was painfully reminded of the huge weight on my ears. I cursed myself for having been dumb enough to dress up for a temple visit ( m rolling my eyes right now). Before we could march ahead to our goal, i got a work bad news call. Siappa!
Grumpy is the only word i can use to describe my mood at the time we were entering the premises of the temple. Ambuj and i decided to not enter the inner sanctum because none of us felt like it. After earning looks ranging from surprise to amusement to pity from all our companions, we sat near the kund waiting for them. I kept regretting the sleep i could have caught up on had i not come at all.

We got back around 2 in the afti and then had a long lunch, where people kept joining our table at regular intervals making it impossible to politely excuse ourselves and get some sleep. Finally we got to our room at 3:15 and i was informed that i had to go for "getting ready" at 4:30 as the event was to start at 7, and me being family needed to be there before time. Siappa!

After an unsuccessful power nap, I reached lakme for getting ready at 5ish- i was sleep deprived and hence very disgruntled. The hair stylist was the first indication of the impending doom. She curled all my hair despite my telling her that i would not look good. She was somehow bent upon making me look like a squat toad. I finally let her do what she wanted because my mom told me that we should let the experts decide sometimes. She was happy, put some rollers in my head and shipped me to the makeup guy. He sounded ok, but when i got up from his station i was looking like the Cheshire cat. Siappa!
When the rollers in my hair came off, i had an actual panic attack. The stylist forgot all her technique and advice and straightened my hair to thie normal state. Now i was just a cheshire cat, not a frankensteinian experiment.
By the time i reached the hotel i had met more people who, like me, while miserable themselves were doling out consolatory praises for the other victims of the beauty industry. I reasoned that i am making too much of it, i will be ok... 

My brothers however, took a different view and made sure that i did not forget my misfortune in a hurry. I was subjected to comments, sniggers, advise on how to dunk my face in water all throughout the evening. Siappa! 

Even the groom who was having an especially bad case of nerves, took his time commenting on the drawbacks of excessive use of makeup.

The function started at 8 PM. It ended by 2 AM. When i reached my bed i dint collapse like i thought i would. I made a beeline to my mom for some rehashing of who said what to whom, and who did what.. She booted me out at 3 and i went to sleep :)

Joy ride begins..

We are currently on our way to Amritsar for the engagement- in a bus- the entiiiire family :)))

All my cousins :D

All the adults :)

And a looong journey 

I love family "journeys" there is food, drinks, laughter.. And cousins..

Cousins are the best friends to spend such journeys with as they can completely embarrass you without you feeling bad :B

We are swapping stories about how Gauri used to decide battles and wars; how sonu used to eat tomatoes; how i "used to be" scared of things breaking..

We are laughing, pulling leg, ogling at every passing dhaba.. 

We are going to be asleep soon.

Lights out..

Away and Back again..

I am in NCR <!!cough Faridabad!!> today for the weekend.
Coming back home after staying in mumbai for a month and a half feels good.. hmmm.. :)

My brother (not cousin, please mind!) is getting engaged; (as you know) and we have come to attend the event with supply of Butter popcorn :D

My brother (the wise one, who is not getting married ;)) came to pick Ambuj & me from the airport. On the way he brought us up to speed, with whats going on, who is off their rocker with stress overload, who has been bitching about things (me), who is missing in action etc.

We are one big fat Marwari (joint) family; some drama is expected, heck! some drama is eagerly anticipated.
I might sound very mean saying this, but i am sure there will come that moment when the nerves will start fraying because someone in the family will accidentally say something that will cause "Vehem" about the auspicious occasion- it always happens (but its never ever funny)

We are already betting on who will break under duress first; you see we already have some updates that may cause awkwardness..

Today we laughed and pranced, got mehndi on our hands and kickstarted the weekend long celebrations.
My bet is on my mom and my chachi, they will be the first ones to go bonkers with stress; they will also the ones working hardest given the shaadi is their baby (or the groom is) >:)

My brother gives a disdainful pause, and then places a bet on my mom & the groom ;)

May the best woman win! :B

(F**k it I'm going Home)ish Day

I broke everything i touched today ( oh not literally!).

I broke my beloved old pepper grinder.
I wasnt even handling it, i was reaching out for sugar and it just tumbled forward; as if to remind me that we have not said hello for a long time.
I saw it fall, and i froze i didnt even react to save it.
It shattered, sending glass everywhere :'(

Then these new earrings i bought myself (really heavy) broke.
I was trying it on and admiring them, while deciding which dress i should wear them with.  While taking off, it slipped out of my hand and broke clean into two pieces.
@$#&^%@$!

Then one of the drawers of my dressing console dropped dead when i was shutting it.
I was desperately looking for cotton. You know how it is when u look for cotton and you cant find it? It is like cotton is taking is revenge for having been forgotten for a year.. I was looking in every drawer- Open..close.. open.. close..open...BAM!
It just dropped flat down while a loud bang.

That is when i gave up. I told Ambuj, today is not my day. I should just turn in.

So turn in i will (before i annihilate this laptop).
Gnite

Stressed Out

I think the problem with me is that mostly i dont know what i want (most) at a given time.
Compounding that problem is the fact that i want all the things in life with the same longing, at all times.
I hate to compromise, or as some will say, i do not prioritise.

I set myself impossible goals, it is almost as if i am challenging myself to fail.
This weekend for example: i had, apart from my own work, the handover from my manager as well as my colleague; this meant phone calls, urgencies etc.
Together with that i called for a get together at our place on Saturday and decided to make at least 5-6 dishes.
Why?
Because me! I wanted to invite people over, and if not this weekend then when?
Oh you ask why is it such a big deal to invite people over? Its not, not at least to a sane person, but since the idea was stuck in my head, there was no "unstucking" it.
It just had to be done and i committed myself to it, by announcing it to everyone. (this is another crazy thing i do...)
On top of that, on Sunday, i was going to have (my first) HQ level meeting in which i had to present (which i suck at). And the icing on the cake i invited one of my friends to stay back and have Sunday breakfast with us.

I had a great time on Saturday, had a nice breakfast on Sunday and the meeting went ok too.  No fiascos on the weekend meant i handed over the extra responsibility without embarrassing explanations.

But i was stressed out at all times, thinking about the next thing while figuring out the task at hand.

Yesterday, i had one of those rare heart to heart chats with my brother, while i was still nursing my hurt over the "gift" thing. And he asked me, "Why do you care? why do you want to add one more thing to the list of things you want to stress about? Why dont you just go into auto pilot and do what they want you to do and get rid of thinking for at least one thing in life."

He sounded right, i juggle too many things at a time sometimes. I need to let a few things be. I need to pick my battles, i need to learn how to compromise.

Or do i? I hate the word compromise.

On the other hand, I think i like stress. I think stress makes me feel good.

The only sane thing i did, was to marry the right guy.

दिखावे की दुनिया

I will come out and say it; I was having a good day and then i was not.
I wanted to buy a gift for someone, and i was told not to buy it, because it was not good enough.

It was a piece of artificial jewellery that i wanted to gift my brother's intended, and i was asked not to bring artificial jewellery, because it might upset people in the family.

Its not just that its hurtful to know that you can let your family down just by being yourself, its just that they completely overlooked the fact that i wanted to buy her a gift!

Well i wont now.

Tell me Sita (Book Review)

I recieved the book shelf today, and finally my books saw the light of a mumbai afternoon :)
Here is a book review marking the day my books found a place in our home :D

"Sita" by DevD Pattnaik.

What is the first image that comes to mind when one thinks of Sita. For me the first image that springs to mind is also her last image: face streaked with tears, heart broken she calls out to her mother, calls out to the only person in the world who doesn't judge her, and asks to be taken away. Away from the people who mean nothing to her but condemn her, from her beloved who means everything to her but won't stand up for her.

The book changed my view. Slightly.
It made me see Sita not as heart broken "abala nari" but as a heart broken but strong single mother. That Ram could not become a perfect husband is not even a matter of discussion, it is a given.

Who is to know that after a marriage filled with such hardships as in the story, Sita was not relieved to be off the hook. That she did not welcome the thought of being free, albeit not on her terms.

What was the alternative, given that Ram is Ram; and would not silence the common man-
He would have asked her to publicly prove her innocence; like he did back in Lanka. Would you do it? Again? and then Again for that one guy who was gone visiting his relatives and could not attend. Then again for the new settlers in the city. Again and again everytime someone raises a question or mocks the king!
I would not; I would never.. I would be furious with my husband for asking such a thing... But then I would expect him to value me over all else.

Then again, maybe, Sita understood Ram's need for people pleasing. She understood that she came second to that. Maybe that combined with the self righteous anger would bring any self respecting female to part ways with her husband.

What i do not believe is that she was ok with it.
She could have understood it. She could have agreed that her going away was better than the alternative. But i cannot believe that she was not disappointed in Ram for putting her through this.

Evading Regret

It is always difficult to put yourself out there. It is like leaving yourself vulnerable to some sort of hurt.

Every single time that i have done that, i have been scared. But sometimes i have been thankful that i did it.

What do i really mean when i say "putting myself out there"?
When i told him that i loved him, though i doubted that his concern might just be friendship.
When i fought with my boss trying to tell him that i am not happy with work he gave me and was ready to quit if he couldn't find anything better for me to do.
When i opened my bookclub and called the first meetup, i was half sick to death that no one will turn up.
Heck! everytime i throw a get together at my place and i worry that all my prep will go wasted.

So i think "putting yourself out there" means to be the person who has everything to lose and everything to gain by the outcome of the action. To be in a situation where there is more than 50% chance of failure.

Has it never rebounded? Oh it has! a lot of times. I have cried, i have sobbed, but luckily i have always had a friend to get through it :)
Have i never backed out of such an action? oh i have a number of times!

But i really think that i will always always cherish the times it worked, such is the positive aura around these few instances that it never ceases to brighten me up.

When i look back, to all such times, whether i failed or not, i at least would not wonder "What if..?"
And really isn't regret the worst thing to have at the end of our long career in life?

Live and live dangerously :). Live as if there is nothing to lose when there is everything to lose and put your faith in the one person who will stand by you, no matter what.. 

Toodles..

Sad is not bad

Why are all our great songs sad?

Ask me to sing impromptu, and i cant remember one single happy song. They are either songs of loves long lost, or the songs of separation, songs of dreaming about better times.

I think we are touched more by "non happy" emotions that happiness.

I think when we are happy we just sail through it without much thought, we forget God, we forget meaning of songs, we forget everything and we just live.

But when we are not happy, we dig into the meaning of things, we want to know why life is hard, we want to sing about it, write about it, paint about it, to find a vent for our feelings.

Sadness spurs us on... and We make art. We dream. We think.

We are different not because we can communicate; we are different because we feel sadness deeply as an emotion.

Frootboy

Introducing Mahesh the Froot-Boy! <<Jazz music>>

In our office we have a little morning tradition, we have this guy, Mahesh who brings the fruit for everyone. He comes to you on your desk and asks you to choose from the collection of fruits of the day.

If you are in your office checking email, he will check in with you if you are in need of fresh fruit.

If you are in the conference room, giving presentation, he will check with you if your dietary needs need to be met (right that second!)

If you are in your bosses office, having a shouting match with him, he WILL check with you in there; chest puffed out, eyes full of disdain to have to witness such petty behaviour when he is doing the grand task of delivering fruit.

No matter where you are, no matter who you are with, no matter what you are doing, Mahesh will find you and will ask you, "Frut?"

American teen patti

If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.

They say poker is not about playing cards, it is about playing your opponent. Alright, granted. But you still need to have cards, right? I never really understood what that is supposed to mean. How am I supposed to play my opponent while I am holding a two of spades and a seven of diamonds and (s)he raises 50 pre-flop on 10-20 blinds. Here is how I do it: I FOLD!!

I reckon life is sort of a poker game as well, Texas Hold'em. You are dealt two cards, your ability and your situation. Then you start betting, "playing" your opponents. Then community cards open, one by one. You keep playing your opponents. You win some (crack that deal with a client, get that promotion, run a marathon), you lose some (lose money in stocks, boss is pissed over a report you submitted, injury doesn't allow you to walk). You slowly get good at it.

Then you bet large, and you double your bankroll. You bet larger next time and crash down. The game keeps going, good or bad, you are always dealt a new set of hole cards. Whether you call, fold or re-raise depends on your style of play, but you have to keep playing. Just remember: you can't lose what you don't put in the middle... but you don't win much either.

Ramblings of a confused mind

It is never easy to quantify feelings, ability, ambitions.. Yet thats what we try to do everyday.

Is ability same as ambition? Is it incumbent upon those who are capable, to try and take over the world? Is it "wrong" to aspire to things bigger than your ability?

I see it everyday, so many people who can, do not have the passion to compete. Those who are very competitive are not necessarily the best in their field.

But then i ask myself, these capable people i talk about: who are they "more capable" / "less ambitious" than? These ambitious people i see who are they "less capable"/ "more mbitious" than?

We cannot measure traits. People of same age, same discipline are also different. Maybe i should see ambition also as an ability: to compete.
Moreover, how are we crediting people with these traits? How do i know who is more capable or competitive? Based on what parameters am i measuring these traits?

However much i try to twist this thought so that i can symmetrically fit it into logical moulds, i cannot. We cannot compare two people.

Every moment is the result of a huge equation with so many variables that your apparent successes or failures cannot be wholly attributed to u. You can only influence life events to an extent based on whether to decide to act, what your decision was etc.

When Gita tells you that, it is not necessarily asking you to put your faith in the Divine, might actually just be saying that u just do what u think is right and then let the equation compute.

I think i digressed. I mixed up two things, or did it make sense?

Home made pizza

Pizza crust:
Warm some water in a pan, it should be warm but you should be able to hold your finger in it for 10 sec without getting burnt. Set it off heat.
Sprinkle dry instant yeast on it and forget about it for 15 min.

Meanwhile mix maida (all purpose flour) with some salt and olive oil. Add the yeast water slowly while kneading into a sticky dough. Rest for two hours and see it increase in volume.

After two hours, roll this dough out in the shape of your pizza. Put it in the pan which you will use to bake in in the oven and against let it rest for at least two hours, before topping it.

Topping:
Spread pizza sauce on the surface of the pizza crust.
For cheese try "fresh mozarella" called Bocconcini. Slice it and arrange it on surface of the pizza after sauce has been spread.
Put other toppings on it, do not overload the pizza.
Sprinkle salt and oregano on top and fresh shredded basil leaves.

Baking:
Preheat the oven at 220degC and pop in the loaded pizza when the temp is attained.
Bake for 10 min in the middle rack, top n bottom.
You can change time for what works for you, u know how a pizza which is perfectly done looks :)

Tips:
U can use grated processed mozarella instead, but fresh mozarella tastes awesome. However be careful that it will lose water which can collect in the tray or make the pizza soggy, so pat it dry before putting slices on the pizza.
Fresh veggies like mushrooms and peppers also tend to lose a lost of water, if you plan to use them, saute them a bit so they lose part of the water before putting them on the pizza.

Enjoy!!

Busy is good

So today was a busyyy day :)

I was under the impression that Janamashtami was on Sunday, so on Saturday night i did all the prep for the next day and when i called my mom to ask her a technicality regarding the barfi i was making, she told me that i had missed the festival :-|

I was positively distraught, i checked and double checked the dates and realized that "Dahi Handi" which is a big day in Mumbai was not same as Janamashtami (as i had thought earlier) and that is why i was under the impression all week that Janamashtami was on Sunday.

Ambuj told me that it is ok, it is an honest mistake and we will celebrate it on Sunday. So we got up early, bathed and did the poojan. Around some time in morning one of my seniors from college called me to ask if she could leave her luggage with us for a few days while she was in transit, and i asked her over for lunch.

I was anyways going to make "pakka khana" ( which means poori, sabzi etc) so why not have people to share it with. I decided that since there was a lot of stuff to be made, i should start and when my food maid comes, she can take over. So i started with kaddu and lauki (kofte); prepared the filling for kachori etc. Then my (super awesome) food maid, Savita ben, came and she gave delicious final touches to all the food.
When Sigra came and we had a gala time on lunch, swapping stories and funny incidents of the week. Bitching about the way things are and how mumbai housing is pricey and most definitely inflated.

She left around 4:30 - 5ish and by that time i remembered that we had a dinner poker planned with our friends. I was planning to make Tomato bruschetta and Pizza (crust and all) and my friend was going to come over and make Basil pesto Pasta.

So the next few hours went in prep for that. By the time Ankit & Jaya arrived i had most of the things ready to be popped in the oven and they would be done. Ambuj & Ankit left for their Squash date and Jaya and me started on Sheesha. Then she showed me how to make amazing healthy Basil Pesto.

We had an awesome dinner, and played poker. It was the cherry on the cake that i won at poker this time :)

Tiring day, Busy day, Amazing day.. and a Belated happy birthday to Master Laddu Gopal :D

PS: Barfi turned out amazing, and so did the pizza :)

Write coz I think, Think coz I am

I am thinking about what to write.
I have enjoyed writing when i am not forced to when i am not judged/ critiqued, i write in an abstract way, which is why everytime i want to start writing a story, i decide against it. See, i want to write about people, experiences, inferences and those are generally boring to read..
As I think this, the next thought is, so i am writing for others?
If not, why do i care?
I dont know why, but i want that what i write is read by others, and because i don't see why they will read what i will write, i do not want to make the effort. (Brishti maybe will strongly disagree with my reasoning).

Anyhoo, you see its a paradox, i want to write and have people read. But i also do not want to write for others because then i somehow cannot write freely. Hence i admire the authors who write these great books, how can they write so freely and honestly even though they know they are performing for an audience.

Enough thinking.. ciao!

Donuts

Weight Gain = Sadness
Fried food = weight gain
Donut = fried food
Happiness = donut

Happiness = Sadness

All good things are bad for you.
All things that are tedious, build character.
Why are we always attracted to things which we shouldn't have?


Oh BTW it is weekend again :)
I am not keeping very high expectations and i will try to avoid any facetime during the two days with my bai # 2.

and i will bake cookies :) oatmeal and raisin.. those can be good for you.. some ingredients at least :P

My rug Man, it tied the room together!

"V vant ze munnie Lebowski, V vant ze munnie,,"

Have you seen "The Big Lebowski"? Its a hilarious movie, seriously.
I am a little in love with Jeff Bridges ;) the consummate Dude

Here are my favorite quotes from the movie

(a) "No Walter, you are not wrong, you are just an assh*le"
(b) "Go on Blow on 'em, I cant blow that far"
(c) "Life does not start and stop at your convinience Donny, you piece of sh*t"
(d) "No, no you are Mr. lebowski. I'm the Dude, or your Dudeness, or El Duderino if you are not into that whole brevity thing"
(e) "You are entering a world of pain, my friend"

Please watch the movie its awesome!!

Letting go

Had to let go an engineer today.
I was convinced that the decision was right, but that did not make it easy.

The guy is so nice, i felt like crap breaking the news to him.
I felt like a bad person for a good amount of time and finally went n talked to Ambuj about it.
Thank god for Ambuj!
He reminded me why i had to make that decision. He refused two good offers, one to get transferred another to rerurn to work from loss of pay. Each time he turned it down i explained that he should reconsider given the industry situation. (Company has fired over 20000 employees).

Today while talking to him he told me that he was using this time to pursue a hobby in language. He had thought that because of the activity slow down he could get some time off for personal stuff. But never mentioned this to me till now nor made a formal request for the personal time.

He was genuinely surprised that we had decided to let him go.

It is always difficult to be the executioner.

Mood philosophy wala

जीवन के कई रूप, कभी छाँव कभी धूप
मुझे माँ ने ये समझाया; मेरी धूप किसी की छाया;
दुःख और सुख दोनों ही अपने; दुःख बिन कौन देखेगा सपने?
पर माँ ! ये सब कहने की बातें; हमेशा दुखेंगे पथ के कांटे
तब बस कोई साथ रहे तो, मैं नहीं कोसूँगी दुःख को